It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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