i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
