just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
