"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
