oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize