my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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