I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
