Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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