Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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