After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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