Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
