What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
