All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
