These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
