Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
babies were throwing up all over the place
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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