take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
