I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
