using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
