He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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