Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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