shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize