At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
