this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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