I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
