She is in my trunk
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
