Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
God, I missed his penis.
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