Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
