I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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