looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
