what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
