I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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