She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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