I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
