wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
