Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You need Xanax blowdarts
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
