I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
