Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
