weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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