he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
