It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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