It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
