im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
