You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
