he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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