So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
