apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My life is pants optional.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
