Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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