who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You can't just leave with hair like that
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
