while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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