cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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