i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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