Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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