Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize