Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
