My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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