if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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