if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize