Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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