she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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