I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
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