I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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