it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
