I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
