Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
