TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
